Theme for the Week: I Am Old

I've nearly survived the first week of being a full time college student,working part time and trying to balance this with being a mom and wife. I'm hoping that this magically gets easier because this week has been one of the hardest, longest weeks I've had to get through in a very long time.
The first day on campus, I had myself worked up into a state of anxiety that I could not shake off. When I get overly anxious, I am easily confused and disoriented. Even though I had gone to college on this very campus for two straight years, I could not get my bearings. The campus itself is not enormous and is basically laid out three parallel rows of buildings and parking lots but I wandered aimlessly, the crowds of young students with their backpacks making it impossible for me to take a moment, stop, and figure out where I was. I found my first two classes, made my way to the union building and sat staring into space for awhile, trying to process before I faced the afternoon classes.
In the union building, I found the commuter lounge and tried to settle in for a bit but figured out very quickly that I had stumbled on the meeting place for a bunch of odd, Sailor Moon obsessed, group of gothic video gamers. When the guy in the kilt showed, I fled upstairs to the open lounge. Once I ate lunch,I was able to use the hour and a half break time I had to look at the campus map and talk myself back into a normal state of mind. I felt much better and was able to navigate the rest of the day without a problem.
I had yet to buy my text books or parking permit (and was rewarded with a ticket! because paying an exorbitant amount of money to commute does not mean I have the right to park without paying for that too!) so that night when I got home from classes, I looked over the syllabi I wrote down the assignments due Wednesday and tried to figure out which ones I could do that night and which I would need the textbooks but most of them I needed the text books for. I work all day Tuesdays but left a little early so I could make it to the bookstore (the one I work at does not sell textbooks) before it closed. I was then up until after midnight doing work, with a 6am wake up call for the day to start.
The workload panicked me. I've been out of the game too long and I felt like I was muddling my way through it. I felt stupid and thick and like I've set up myself for humiliating failure. I'm surrounded in class by young, unfettered kids with hours and hours to read and who speak easily in class immersed in the game of learning. I'm rusty and old and overburdened with other responsibilities. The worst part is the English classes all have some group assignment requirement, one of the classes has a group research/presentation project as a quarter of your grade. When they started talking group projects, I felt a hive coming out on my lip. How in the world am I going to fit working with a bunch of teenagers on a project into my schedule?
And the culture on campus! The young guys over sprayed with cologne and their pants hanging down, the young skinny girls with juicy or pink on the butt of their sweatpants. The orange tans and the texting and peacock tail courting rituals. I knew it was going to be this way but it makes me feel old and frumpy and uninterested in meeting anyone at all.
I hope as the semester goes on, it gets easier and becomes more routine. This week I feel like I've bitten off more than I can chew. I see my kids for an hour or so before bedtime, I haven't looked at a school note or spelling test list all week (I also haven't wiped anyone else's bottom all week so there's that.). I'm taking Thursdays off at work for a while until I acclimate as well and I keep telling myself it's only a few months. I can get through this. I can do this. I hope.