More Than I Can Bear

One of the popular "comforting" statements Christians use when they are talking with someone who is struggling is "God will not give you more than you can bear." I can't even say how many times I have heard that statement in the last 18 months. I would like to ban this statement and anyone who uses it.
I realize that it is often difficult to know what to say when someone is going through something you have never experienced personally. Most people have good intentions when offering some cliche; they simply do not know what to say so they fall back on these little sound bites of hope. However, good intentions aside, telling someone who is being destroyed by the storm they are in that what she is going through is not "more than she can bear" is the equivalent of spitting in her face. It is smug and arrogant to presume that you know what someone can or cannot live through. If you are someone who has never stood where that person is standing, if you are someone whose life is going pretty well, this statement is waving your own blessings in that person's face.
The last year and a half has been more than I can bear. I have been shattered, broken, whatever metaphor you want to buy. I have been brought so low by the things that have happened that I cursed God, screamed at Him, denied Him, taunted Him. I have considered suicide or driving away and simply leaving everyone I love. I have pulled over on the side of the highway and screamed at the top of my lungs, beating the steering wheel. I have lain sobbing on the floor, I have been unable to rise. I have been moody and sarcastic, withdrawn and hateful. Bitterness has taken a hold of me, turning every good thing that happened into a mockery of my pain.
When I finally decided to seek help through therapy, I was in a place so low that I truly did not believe that God existed. How could He exist and allow me to be in so much pain? If He loved me and wanted me to live for Him, how could he allow me to be in such a dark tunnel that I no longer cared if I lived or died? The things I have been through have not brought me any "lessons" from God; they have not been Sunday school learning experiences.
The therapist I saw (and am seeing) has no particular faith or at least not one that he uses like a weapon the way "Christian counselors" have in the past. But at our very first meeting, he used Jonah and the whale as an example. He compared me to Jonah, stuck in that dark belly of a whale with no control over where the suffering would take me. Jonah had turned away from God, which is how he ended up in that dark belly. He told me that everyone suffered and that perhaps now was my time to suffer. That while I had no control over my future or when my suffering would end, I did have control over my attitude while I suffered. After that, I began to start taking stock in myself. I began to journal my successes and remind myself of things I was capable of. I began to believe in myself again, believe that I could live through the suffering and come out on the other side whole.
Shortly after that, things took a turn for even worse. I was blindsided by the things that followed. It seemed impossible that life could possibly get any worse and yet, here I was facing MORE. I am still facing these things, still attempting to survive them. But now, I know that I CAN face them. I know that it will be hard and painful, that I will sob and scream and curse but that I will survive. I know that I will fail myself and my children time and time again but that I will always rise again.
I also know that the God I believe in is real. I know that HE can bear my cursing, bear my screaming and defiance. I know that the idea of Christians walking through the storm with a smile and a proverb is the creation of humankind, not the creation of God. David, in the Old Testament, railed at God, accused God of abandoning him. David wept and sobbed and refused to listen to God. He knew that God was big enough to absorb these things, that God loves us despite our human failings and that God will not forsake us because we do not pretend to love the pain we are in.
Remember that when you offer someone who is struggling the "more than you can bear" statement, you are telling that person it is not okay for her to fall apart. You are distancing yourself, in effect telling that person to stop complaining and buck up. Instead, offer that person a shoulder to cry on or take on one of that person's responsibilities so that he or she can fall apart for a few minutes. If you love that person, let him or her scream at you, say horrible things about God or life, let that person release the valve of his or her suffering. Remind that person that God can take it; He is big enough to take on their curses and screaming, that He always forgives and never forsakes. Let them know you know how unbearable it is and bear with them.